Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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