I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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