the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She needs sedatives and a leash
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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