did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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