people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
