I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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