Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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