This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
