I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
