I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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