When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
