i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
