Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
