i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
