in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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