genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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