Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
