do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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