I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
