Sry I called you an 8
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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