I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
