I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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