just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
