whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
