Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
