Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
