Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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