there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
