so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
