I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
