my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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