Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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