Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
