my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
