a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
