mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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