toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
