and you said cock pushups were impossible
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
