Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
