Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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