so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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