Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
