these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
