so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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