she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
