In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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