1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
