We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
