had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
