highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
