You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
