THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
